apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pants are for mortals
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
