I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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