i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
