Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
