Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
