i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
