I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
