we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
