My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
