Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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