Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
