so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
