I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
