We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
