Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
