I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
