i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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