so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
