So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
