Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
