I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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