I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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