he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He did a backflip because drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
