So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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