Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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