I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
