Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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