I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
