No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
