Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
