help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
