God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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