new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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