i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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