when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
