mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
