i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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