he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
