Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
