In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
