Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
