My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
