I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
