There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
