life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We have started to decorate penises.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
