Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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