dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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