I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
