I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
