I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
