I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
