I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My ass is underappreciated
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
