mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
