You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
