You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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