Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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