DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
