we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
